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As ususal, the use of "written communication" has displayed it's major handicap - the fact that few of us do it well, and especially in relationship to written "gesting/teasing". Why? Because, there is no body language to watch, no winks, no elbows given to the guy next to you, no looks of "I'm pulling your leg." The writer often ASSUMES that every one knows what "tone" we are using (whether we are teasing or not) - but in reality, most of what we write is "toneless" - and there's always a looming danger that our message, (when read at face value), presents an impression quite opposite of what we mean.
For example, if you were to find a slip of paper on the floor with these words "You Son of a B_____!", most people are going to interprete that as someone sending someone else a nasty piece of their mind! What we may NOT know is that this person was writing to his best friend who pulled a good joke on him. Both knew the context of the statement and both were laughing. The majority of readers of that note however would be unable to detect the humorous tone of the message. If, as Russ states, that he was teasing, this is an example of a message without "tone" attached. I'm willing to believe that what he wrote was not meant to be shared in an offensive way, but with humor.
But having said that, I raise another trap that e-mailers and forum writers fall into; moving from "jest" into a "serious topic" without realizing that the two may be viewed as a single unit. There is no doubt Russ feels strongly about the camera, (one that the vast MAJORITY of club members VOTED on several years ago - allowing it's use), but the fact that he attached it to the toneless jest in his first statement - he confused the readers.
Here's how the detached reader heard it: 1) The team won because they used a camera. 2) Cameras are unethical. It doesn't take much to come to the unsaid conclusion; Therefore since the winning team used the camera - they are unethical. That may not be what Russ MEANT by bringing up both subjects at one time, but the majority of readers will not be able to see the break between the two subjects... they will not be able to detect the two separate "tones"(one humorous - the other serious) and will blend them automatically. Again - this is the danger of the written word without facial gestures, verbal clues, and "irony" in the voice.
In this case, if Russ had wanted to separate these two thoughts so they would not be blended into one thought and incorrect conclusion, he would have had better results by not putting them both in one sentence. "I bet on the Logston team to win it. You know mostly because of the use of a camera which I strongly believe shouldn't be used in a tournament. I still wonder to this day why the club voted for it. It takes the sportsmanship as well as the ethics out of it all." These should have been separated into two statements in two separate paragraphs, or BETTER YET... they should have been raised in two different forum categories.
As to what is ALLOWED in jest and humor, the third trap Russ fell into was thinking that all "topics" are fair game; after all - it was pointed out that many people get teased about the boats they drive! True enough! The problem with that is, nowhere in the conversation about "boats" is a person's value or ethical character being attacked. 99% of the time, a person may be able to tease a person about what clothes they choose to wear, the car they drive, and what boat they run WITHOUT them taking it personal. (Agreed, there is still that 1% taking it personally - so it's risky.) But you can't present an idea of someone being "unethical" and expect 99% not to be offended.
Believe me, some of us understand "funny" and the limits of wise teasing, while others will never be accused of being funny, most fall somewhere in between. I personall love to laugh, but I admit it - I'm just not a "funny guy". When I try to do it - it usually blows up in my face. Some of that is because people think of me as a fairly serious guy (a fact). People EXPECT me to say serious things first, and are surprized if I do "A funny". However, when I go fishing with Larry (NOW HE"S FUNNY!) - I expect funny statements before I expect serious. It may be just my opinion - but the vast majority of conversations I've had with Russ were serious. That simply means that when Russ writes somthing on the forum - I expect serious first. My "expectation" (Russ = serious) may even blind me to any humorus "clues" that I might have picked up on if I had expected "funny".
What I am saying to all forum users is this: PLEASE BE CAREFUL when writing in these forums. If you are saying something tongue in cheek, please understand that only a small percentage of people have the English language down and the "art of humor" mastered to the point that their every written sentence is clear and precise and cannot be misunderstood. So before you hit the "POST" button - ask yourself; Is there any way that someone can take what I just wrote down in the wrong way? If so, rewrite it... OR just let it go!
I'm proud of Russ for his apology, (I've made several of them myself lately), and I was tempted to let his statement end the conversation. But like an idiot who won't take his own advice, I'm taking the risk of writing on a serious subject KNOWING that I risk someone taking it in a way that is far from what I intended. The key is; can we all learn from this experience as to why the written language holds so many DANGERS? ...most of us are not English majors and forget that it's toneless. Caution is always needed.
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Team Tourney? (Read 18989 times)
